Monday, August 10, 2009

JPs Java- Round 2

So here I am once again at JPs Java in Austin, Tx... the birth place of my blog. About fifteen months ago I set up camp in a cozy corner of this coffee palace establishing an outlet for my camp experience. Although I have a mere 14 posts (laaaame), this blog has subtly stirred my passion for writing once again. So please accompany me as I attempt to express my thoughts of the day.

First of all, I think you should know that I am eating a cookie right now. Not a weak, flat, should-have-bought-the-better-brand-chocolate-chips cookie, but a hefty sized, packed with dough, only goliath could fit the whole thing in his mouth at once cookie. It is fantastic.

Second of all, I just dropped off Otha at the airport (could possibly contribute to the cookie consumption). Not an easy task. I apologize to anyone present at the Austin airport this morning and having to witness "that couple". Yep- the couple that has eyes locked on each other, sappy smiles, hand holding as if superglue exploded all over their fingers. Usually I am ultra conscious to not be that couple, however this morning was so worth not caring... maybe I should have just worn a shirt saying: sorry everyone- he's leaving for 10 months. TEN MONTHS. I could have a baby in that amount of time- long time. Although I have been aware of this inevitable occurance all summer, it's still difficult to wrap my mind around such a long period of time being away from each other. No phone calls, random texts through out the day, hiking together, hangin out with him and the roommates... nothin. I am so thankful that we have email and skype these days. Aaaand I am pretending that he is simply studying abroad. twice.

Despite the hardship of being apart, there's a whole slew of things that excited me about this upcoming season! I mean come on, Otha gets to experience the rich culture of Morocco! Through teaching and living in the community, he will gain a deeper understanding of a Muslim lifestyle, concoction of linguistic influence, and new aspects of God's character. It's exciting to think of how much he will grow over the next year! In the land of College Station I will also be able to truly focus on my community without spending all my time with a cool kid named Otha. This will allow sweet, sweet time with my roommates and friends. Also, being involved with IJM, Comchurch, work, and what was that other one? oh yea-school, will soak up my time like a sponge... naturally not leaving much left to spend with a boyfriend. So there are definite blessings to us being apart and not having a distraction, yet still be able to pour into each other in creative, God glorifying ways.

Third of all, it's beautiful to think back a year ago and how much God has done in my life. I am so thankful for the people in my community- their honesty, compassion, and consistency. Last fall a woman who I respect immensely sat me down and talked through a thick list of things that I needed to surrender/work on. Although overwhelming at the time, God has changed so many of those things in my life. I have learned to rest, slow down, spend time with my roommates, not feel like I need to be close to every person I meet, not find my affirmation in guys, not thinking I am the best version of Jesus, not mandating myself to constantly be productive, the list goes on and on! I still have a long way to go, but it's encouraging to see how much more I appreciate the little things in life. Surprisingly enough, life a mile a minute has taken it's toll on me. It's great to stroll for awhile and take in my surroundings instead of sprinting to my next destination, then the next, then the next... ugh exhausting just typing about it.

Reflecting on the past gives me so much hope for the future. If God refined that much last year, how much more can he refine me in the years to come! I hope to continue finding a balance between involvement and rest, take further steps towards my desire to open a cosmetology school, and love people thoroughly this next semester. It's gonna be a solid senior year ladies and gentlemen.

Well my cookie has now been defeated. My energy- emotionally & physically- has also been defeated... so I am going to take a glorious nap.

Oh & I should mention I am soooo excited to see Peggy, Tina, & Ellen TOMORROW.... whoop for tennesse, kentucky, & michigan. Work at a camp. Make cool friends.

Until the next cookie... goodnight.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Lingering Questions

Once again I find myself facing the question of time lingering before me.

How much time does he have? Do you think she will make it for three more days? What if I leave in the next 24 hours? I was planning on coming home next week, will that be to late?

This is round two ladies and gentlemen. On my toes, dancing around the ring, fists up... fighting death that slowly disintegrates my family. What if death punches first, can I jab back in time to delay the next attack? Last round with my lovely grandma her soul left without a last goodbye, knowing she would not even know my presence. Instead tear drops fell upon my porch and journal in College Station as I reflected on her crazy/beautiful life and said goodbye in my own intimate way. Several days later I made my way home to celebrate Betty Wilson with my family and her close friends.

Here I am once again in College Station, attempting to impossibly predict the timing of death. My Gramps is getting tired. He has fought a hard and long fight, holding off defeat with the hope of sweet victory- seeing his grandchildren return from Egypt in 5 days. F i v e d a y s. Can he make it? Does he have it in him to fight death for 120 more hours?

I sit here questioning whether I should drop everything now and run to the side of the ring to cheer him on. Or can I leave in 2 days? Should I leave tomorrow? Will I regret waiting 2 days when he only had 1 day left in him?

Ugh. My eyes sting from tears and my body screams for sleep. A time to live, a time to die... not originally intended by our creator; my mind struggles to comprehend the pain yet inevitability of death. What is the balance? How do we grieve well? Is it possible to cry for the loss of an individual and feel a wave of negative emotions all the while knowing he/she was old and physically could not make it any longer?

Despite all of these questions swirling through my mind, I know I have a God who is bigger than all of this. Who is all-powerful and loving beyond comprehension. His being exists outside the human concept of time and death. What a HUGE and BEAUTIFUL King I serve! I have seen His peace in my parents as they have tackled an emotionally trying season of life losing their own parents both physically and mentally. While I am a waterfall of tears, my mom gently reminds me that God is in control. All the time. My parents' trust in the Lord is steadfast and challenges me to search my heart for lack of faith, letting go of my desire to control. The spirit consumes their being as they embrace each season of life with hope, trust, and surrender... displaying for all to see their decision to follow something bigger than themselves. If anything, this time of loss has cultivated a deeper appreciation for Bob and Beth Wilson. They not only stand out as extraordinary parents, but as strong man and woman of faith who are truly striving to die to their flesh daily. I love them both beyond words. Because of that love, I want to love their parents deeply and therefore bring me back to the question at hand that ripple effect into the million other questions in my head.

How do I love the dying well?

"So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God." Phil 1:9-12

I want to strive for this. It won't be pretty- I will trip and fall on my knees, have dirt on my face, and holes in my clothes. But at the end of the journey I want to have given it my all. Loved much. Loved well.

What this looks like in regards to my grandparents, I don't know. Absorbing wisdom, support, and love from those around me gives me confidence that I can take one step at a time in figuring this thing out. All I know is I need prayer grace as I attempt to live fully and abundantly in Christ all the while praising His name during times of death.

"Lord you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God." Psalm 90"1-2

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Let's Talk Fashion

Mmk... the order those three words fall in would typically never come out of my mouth. Fashion + Becca = rare combination. However, I observed and experienced multiple interpretations of fashion while traveling over Christmas break.

Let's begin with the airport. Seeing as we left my house at 6:30 AM to catch our flight I simply threw on extremely comfortable clothes for the journey. "Comfortable clothes" in Becca's world means being a great candidate on the show What Not To Wear. I was a black and gray cotton blob slugging through the terminals. Old school sweats with pockets... gray t-shirt... gray fleece... black and gray hiking boots... black backpack... even a black hair thing; let's be honest- if anyone gave me a double-glance it was out of horror.

I'll admit it... Greek women outdid my fashion just a tad. As my parents and I ascended up the stairs to the streets of Athens we officially entered the world of boots. Gorgeous boots. Whether a female the age of 5 or 60 or anywhere in between she would be rockin the boot scene, usually worn with some sassy attitude and confidence based on apparel. Not once did I observe a woman in sweats or a t-shirt. The typical getup consisted of hair down or in a creative updo, short dress, tights leading down to beautiful boots with heels, also topped off with matching jewelry, makeup, and of course: the ever-classy cigarette.

So we go from high class sexy clothing trends to modestville headquarters. Egyptian women have an elegance and grace about their long, draping clothing from head to toe. If I were Matt Nathanson making his music video for Come On Get Higher I would have incorporated Egyptian fashion- what? Let me explain. There is a line that includes the words "swing of your hips" which is precisely how the clothing flows about the women in this African country. It's a beautiful swaying back and forth of fabric down to their ankles as they move about life- Sheek is apparently the word they prefer to describe their fashion (according to my lovely sister). Even though only 4 words of the song apply to their garb the lyrics danced in my head the entire time we were there.

Also most Egyptian women do not have to fret about the status of their hair when in public because their heads are covered in scarves of all colors and designs. So as I am debating whether to rock the messybun look or curl my hair in the morning, women on the other side of the world are selecting which piece of fabric to cover their hair with to complete the outfit. Some even cover their faces with only openings for their eyes. It's a unique experience to only be able to see someone's eyes and the rest of the body being a mystery... what does their smile look like? what's the complexion of their skin like? are their ears pierced? In one sense I feel like I am missing the opportunity to experience that individual in their entirety, but on the otherhand the eyes of a person tell so much more than any other part of the body could ever do justice. Like they say- eyes are the window to a person's soul.

It intrigues me that a girl can wake up in the morning, put on her most trendy outfit, and be completely out of fashion somewhere else in the world. Even wearing my cutest clothes that I had packed in both Greece and Egypt I felt completely out of the fashion loop... and in different ways for each country. Heck, I feel out of fashion in my own country. Who decides what is trendy anyway? Once upon a time my old school sweat pants were hip and cool- now they are a clothing tragedy. Point being I think people should wear whatever they want without the pressure of fitting in or keeping up with the latest magazine. If that means sportin the sweats and t-shirt... wear them proudly. Dress and heels... feel confident. Cowgirl boots and jeans... strut your stuff. The possibilities are endless, along with your attitude so choose to feel beautiful now matter what you wear. Afterall, the people who matter are only looking at your eyes.